


The Scribe of the Soul

by hereforthephilindafics



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff and Crack, LMD Phil tries his new dick, Penis In Vagina Sex, Smut and Crack, Squirting, please don't taket this seriously!, season 7 speculation, vibrating dick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:47:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23951059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hereforthephilindafics/pseuds/hereforthephilindafics
Summary: Coulson rubbed her back. “I’m glad you came over. I was about to ask Enoch to give me a sex-ed class for LMDs.”
Relationships: Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 15
Kudos: 64





	The Scribe of the Soul

**Author's Note:**

  * For [marvelthismarvelthat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelthismarvelthat/gifts).



> For Alina who prompted:  
> "literally /anything/ regarding coulson's newly minted robo penis and its, ahem, capabilities"
> 
> This is a crack fic of my own speculations/hopes regarding what I would like to see happen in Season 7 as far as May and Coulson dealing with him being an LMD.
> 
> Please don't take this too seriously.
> 
> Enjoy!

Showering in this body didn’t feel as good as taking a shower in his flesh and blood body, but Coulson still liked the water running over his head, the warmth of the steam. He liked washing off the grime of the day and whatever fight they had gotten into. Only because this body could not be damaged as easily did not mean Coulson wouldn’t care for it.

He looked down, water blurring his vision, and grunted when his eyes landed on his dick, again. Coulson had been wondering about it for a while, once they told him what— _who_ he was. He could function like a normal human being, but he had yet to prove that to himself.

He sighed.

His head snapped to the right when he heard a noise. Coulson shut off the shower, wrapped a towel around his waist, and walked back to his room. Melinda was sitting on his bed. Her eyes widened a little bit when she saw him. She stood up.

“Sorry!” They said it at the same time.

Coulson chuckled. Melinda huffed.

“I’m sorry. I should have knocked,” Melinda said.

He shook his head. “I did mean it when I said you were welcome to stop by anytime, for any reason.”

She nodded toward his bathroom. “So, you can take showers like normal?”

“Uh…yeah. I mean, I don’t _need_ to. I don’t sweat or anything, but even an LMD will smell if you roll it in dirt.” He rubbed the back of his neck with his right hand.

Melinda chuckled. Coulson grinned. He could still make her laugh.

Melinda took a step closer toward him. “Can you do other things like normal?”

He nodded. “If I wanted to.”

She bit her lower lip. Coulson tried to keep his eyes on her eyes, but the more she worried her lip the more he got the urge to take it between his teeth and bite it. He almost jumped when Melinda spoke again.

“Do you think Radcliff’s LMDs did too?”

He frowned. “They were built different…I think. Their purpose was to do what he wanted them to do. Find the Darkhold, protect his plans, the Framework.”

Melinda nodded. “But you’re free to do what you want?”

Coulson smiled.

“So, what would you like to do right now?” Melinda took another step toward him.

He stayed where he was. Terrified that he would make a wrong move, say the wrong thing, and send her running away from him, like last time. He let Melinda come to him. So close he could smell her. She still smelled like jasmine and green tea.

Coulson closed his eyes and inhaled, reveling in her scent. “Learn about Tahiti.”

Melinda chuckled. “You could google that.”

She was looking at him when Coulson opened his eyes and looked down at her face. “That’s not what I’m interested in.”

“Oh?” Melinda tilted her head to the right, just slightly, enough for her hair to cascade over her shoulder.

Coulson reached out and Melinda didn’t stop him. She didn’t tense up either. Her breathing picked up, but she hummed when he wrapped a strand of hair around his hand and stroked it, re-learning the texture of it.

“I heard Mack and Deke talking about it. Mack said something about how bad he felt I couldn’t remember the best time of my life. And then Daisy threw a shoe at him.”

Melinda threw her head back and laughed. She laughed so hard her whole body shook. Her breathing hitched as she tried to get it under control. Coulson pulled her to him. He just couldn’t help it. It was like an itch he needed to scratch; if he still got itches. The more he tried to resist it, the more Melinda became a siren, calling him to his ruin.

She took a deep breath before laying her head on his chest. Coulson could feel her nuzzle him, inhaling deeply, exhaling with a sigh. Her fingers touched his chest, trying to trace scars that were no longer there. He couldn’t say he missed the ugly, scar tissue.

“So…what happened in Tahiti?” He asked, again, kissing the top of her head. Knowing very well she might kick him and leave just for that.

Melinda hummed. “We laid on the beach, you got a sunburn, I swam for most of the day, then we cuddled on the couch and took naps.”  
“I can see why Mack would say it was the best time of my life,” Coulson said, looking down at her face. “You in a bikini is a dream come true.”

Melinda looked up. “Well, then there’s the other thing.”  
Coulson grinned, deciding to play along. “What other thing?”

“We discovered your bionic hand had an extra function you didn’t really need or use in the field.” Melinda bit her lip.

He raised her eyebrow at her.

“It vibrated.”  
Coulson frowned for a few seconds. “Oh!”

Melinda chuckled, pressing her forehead against his chest again. He chuckled.

“I think I’m going to miss that hand…a lot.”

Melinda’s words were muffled. Coulson laughed, rubbing his hands up and down her back.

“You’re not realizing something, Mel.”

She looked up, frowning. “What?”  
“All of me can vibrate now.”

Melinda blinked at him for a moment. Coulson waited for her to figure it out, smirking when the realization presented itself as a light blush on her cheeks. He was very proud to have made Melinda May blush without even saying anything too suggestive.

“Prove it!”

Coulson felt his eyes widen. He knew that was the correct response but this time it had happened subconsciously. Usually he had to think for a split second about what would be the correct facial response to something, what his other self would do. This time Melinda had taken him by surprise.

She moved back, her hands on her hips. “Can’t tease me with something like that and then act shy.”

Coulson’s eyes flickered to the door.

Melinda followed his gaze. “I locked it. The rest of the team went to bed.”

“It is pretty late.”

“Don’t try and stall.”

Coulson rolled his eyes. He secured his towel tighter around his waist. Melinda made a show of rolling her eyes and sighing. She walked over to his bed and sat down on the edge of the mattress, crossing her legs.

He sighed. “If you laugh, it’s over.”

Coulson fidgeted with the edge of his towel. He tried to make a joke about it, but he was nervous. He didn’t remember how nervous he had been in Tahiti during their first time, but he still remembered the time he finally showed Melinda his scar after New York. That had been the most vulnerable part of him, the one he hated the most. Now his body was stronger than a human’s, his scar was gone. Coulson felt terrified Melinda would see him, all of him, and realize it wasn’t _her_ Coulson.

“Phil…”

He squeezed his eyes shut and tugged at his towel.

Melinda moaned. He forced himself to open his eyes. She was kneeling on the mattress while Coulson stood in front of her, biting his lip.

She tilted her head to the right. “It’s an exact copy.”

Coulson snorted. “I think we have Radcliffe to thank for that.”

Melinda bit her lip and looked up. “May I?”

Coulson almost growled. “Please?”

She laughed, reaching out and wrapping her right palm around him.

“Oh fuck.” Coulson knew he would never again have a sensation like feeling his knees buckle, or his head spin, but he still felt something in the pit of his stomach. Something that made him flex his hips, humping into Melinda’s hand.

She was moving her hand up and down his shaft, slower each time. She dragged her fingernails across the underneath and swiped her thumb on the head of his cock.

Coulson sank his nails in this thigh. “Verdict?” He cringed at his lame joke.

Melinda looked up at him, biting her lower lip. “It feels so...”

“Real?”

She nodded. Coulson reached out and cupped her right cheek, but Melinda was past romantic gestures. She squeezed his shaft, making him jump.

“Whoa...easy there.”

“You can feel everything?” Melinda looked up at him wide eyed.

“Of course, I can. I could feel most sensations with my bionic hand, the stronger the better. This is even more advanced technology.”

Melinda smirked. She bent her head and sucked his shaft into her warm mouth.

“Oh...shit...ohhhh...” Coulson gripped her hair, but he didn’t have to tug because she pulled off right away.

Melinda smirked, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. “Just wanted to see what you’d do.”

Coulson threw his head back and laughed, panting. Melinda stood up on the mattress and threw her arms around his neck, biting and kissing his right ear.

“Have you already jerked—

“Nope! Don’t even know if it does everything the same as the real deal.”

Melinda laughed, hiding her face in the crock of Coulson’s neck. She pulled back after a while and kissed his lips. “Ready to take it out for a spin?”

Coulson grinned. “You are going to regret asking that.”

Melinda rolled her eyes. She stood on the bed and took off her shirt, unclasping her bra and sliding it off her arms. She looked at Coulson and raised her right eyebrow.

“If you make a joke about me not having a problem removing your bra now, I’m switching off,” he said.

Melinda could not help but laugh. She started unbuttoning her jeans, but Coulson’s hands covered her.

“No.” He knelt on the mattress with her, kissing her quickly. “I want to do this.”

Melinda let him push her back until she was lying horizontally across the bed. Coulson worked her jeans open without any issue, tugging the material down so excitedly it jolted her on the bed. She laughed and then hummed when she felt his hands knead her breasts, lightly, like he was afraid of hurting her. Coulson’s hands were warm and soft, a little too soft. He was missing the callouses developed over the years, the cut on his right index finger that never healed properly. In Tahiti, Melinda had loved when he teased her nipples with that finger, the roughness against the sensitive skin.

She moaned when Coulson pulled her nipples and opened her eyes. He was kneeling over her, his strong legs either side of her torso, smiling. Melinda hummed, running her hand down his torso and wrapping it around his cock.

It was shockingly hard. Melinda knew she would never feel him throbbing for her, but she hummed and then giggled when she pumped the shaft quickly, making him grunt. Coulson covered her hand with his and stretched over her torso to kiss her.

“You really make it hard to concentrate.”

Melinda snorted, biting his lip. “There’s a joke in there I’m resisting to make.”

Coulson rolled his eyes and plopped on his back. Melinda rolled over, laying on his chest. She kissed and nipped, smiling at his little sounds of pain.

“You really feel it all?”

He nodded. “The more you tease one spot, the more sensitive it becomes. It’s...it’s the programming.”

Melinda smirked. “You shouldn’t have told me that.”

“Ugh!” Coulson spread his arms on the bed as Melinda slid down his body, sitting between his legs. He raised his head to look at her as she surveyed his cock with a calculating gaze.

Melinda smirked when she looked up and saw him watching so intently. She threw a pillow at him. Coulson laughed before shoving it behind his head, folding his hands behind it too.

“What do you have in mind?”

She smirked. “Let me show you what Mack meant by ‘best time of your life’.”

Coulson whimpered. He extended his right arm, placing his palm on Melinda’s head, but she pushed it off gently. She didn’t want any restrictions, or distractions. Melinda scooted back on the mattress, wiggling her ass in the air for Coulson to see. Based on his moan, he very much so appreciated it. She lowered her head until her lips were only inches away from his cock.

It didn’t twitch or throb, but it still looked inviting. Melinda breathed on it for a few seconds, purposefully blowing a little air on the tip. Coulson’s breath hitched. She looked up at him and smirked, licking her lips.

“So... you liked to torture me while I was on my death bed?”

Melinda rolled her eyes, focusing on the appendage in front of her. She traced the shaft with her right finger, wrapping her palm around it slowly. She hadn’t noticed earlier, but it was velvety soft. She could feel the hardness underneath, something that resembled veins, but the skin was stretched tight, soft and warm, maybe a little too warm.

“You’re like a space heater,” Melinda said, looking up.

Coulson frowned for a moment before throwing his head back, laughing. His entire body shook.

“I’m your space heater, I guess,” he was finally able to say.

Melinda hummed. She waited until his eyes were back on her and swallowed his cock while holding his gaze. Her eyes fluttered closed when she felt the girth stretch her lips. She gagged when his head hit the back of her throat but held him there.

She had wanted to see his face but hearing him was just as satisfying. Coulson was making a noise that was a mix between a whine and a growl. The sound he made when he was very close to blowing. He panted in between. His hands rested on Melinda’s head, not daring to move her either up or down. She needed to breathe so she pulled off, gasping. Coulson’s cock bobbed out of her mouth, smacking his abdomen, shiny with her spit. He wrapped his right hand around his shaft and hissed, gritting his teeth.

“Fuck...ugh...Mel.” Coulson gasped. “I’m surprised you didn’t kill me on day one.”

Melinda laughed, crawling up his body. She could feel his cock rub on her folds as she slid up, the head bumping her entrance lightly. She twisted on his chest as Coulson held her hips, rubbing small circles with his thumbs.

“And now I get to do that as much as I want for as long as I want.”

Coulson laughed, squeezing his eyes shut. “Especially because I don’t think I can embarrass myself anymore.”

Melinda tilted her head to the left as she looked at him. “Really?”

He reached out, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Well, I can replicate it on command, but it’s not something that needs to happen, so I don’t think it will happen because your little mouth was too good.”

Melinda curled her lip, thinking about what fake cum would feel like inside of her. She was not sure she wanted to find out, but she definitely wanted to try everything that led up to that point. She moaned when Coulson raised his head and sucked her right nipple, biting the hardened nub and then licking it, all the while staring up at her.

“Oh shit...that’s...easy...easy...it gets a little sensitive.”

Coulson hummed, licking slower and blowing warm air on her breasts, making Melinda mewl. She reached between her legs and swiped her right hand across her fold.

It came away dripping wet. Melinda smirked as she reached behind her, groping for his hard cock. Coulson’s hips jumped when she found it. She rubbed her hand up and down, spreading her wetness on him. They both moaned.

Coulson’s eyes kept fluttering closed as she teased him. “We don’t...oh fuck that’s good...we don’t have to do anything right now.”

Melinda stopped and that made his eyes snap open. She looked down at him, her right eyebrow raised. “Seriously?”

“I just don’t want you to feel pressured. This is all very new and over—

Melinda squeezed him so hard Coulson sat up. She laughed when he swore. “Next time they update your programming, I’m asking them to take out your annoying habit of second-guessing yourself at the worst times.”

Coulson laid back down and laughed, looking up at her. “You really want me?”

Melinda rolled her eyes and scooted back down his torso. She held his shaft with the right hand and started sinking into it. She gasped when she felt the pressure, the width of him stretching her deliciously and painfully.

“Oh shit!”

Coulson gripped her hips as Melinda moaned. This was both new and familiar. Her body remembered him; his shape, his size, how good it felt to have him sliding inside of her. Melinda felt wetness gushing on him, and she wasn’t even halfway down. But there was something new in how he felt. A little harder, so much warmer, and so solid Melinda knew he could fuck her for hours without even switching positions.

She groaned and looked down at him.

“Good?” Coulson asked, reaching up with his right hand and cupping her cheek.

Melinda turned her head and kissed his palm before throwing her head back and moaning. Her hips moved back and forth on him while Coulson held her lightly. He let her do what she wanted, going along with the pace Melinda set. She had not realized how desperate she was.

Coulson rubbed her back when she laid on his torso, pressing her forehead on his chest while she moved her hips up and down, letting his shaft almost slip out and then going back down. She whined and mewled, biting his jaw and neck, groaning when she realized the angle was not working.

“Easy…we have all night,” Coulson said, kissing her hair when Melinda shifted her hips on his for the third time in a minute.

“Shut up and fuck me harder. I need…. Shit…I’m so close….” Melinda looked down at him.

Coulson was looking at her like he was seeing her for the first time. Maybe he expected her to be shy and soft, take it slow. Melinda wished she could, but she had missed his touch for more than a year. They had waited too long for slow and gentle.

“What?”

He smirked and flipped them. Melinda didn’t realize it was happening until her head hit the soft pillows. She felt like Coulson punched the air out of her when he started hammering into her. He knelt on the mattress, threw her legs over his shoulders and pumped with a steady rhythm that never broke.

Melinda felt like she was going to break instead. “Oh… oh…oh shit…oh… fuck … fuck…shit…Phil…please.”

Coulson grinned at her, not even trying to hide how full of himself he was. If Melinda weren’t about the have the most shattering orgasm of her life, she would pull off his cock and leave him like that. She considered it but then she felt something vibrate inside her pussy. Her eyes flew back open when she realized what it was.

“Ohhhhh shit!” She almost sat up.

Coulson pushed her back down. “Shhhh, Mel. You’re going to make everyone think I’m killing you.” He held her torso down. His hips never lost a beat.

Melinda whined. She didn’t care if the whole world heard. She could not hold still. She wanted to stop time and remember these sensations forever but if she stopped writhing, she would explode from over-stimulation. Coulson’s cock was so deep inside her Melinda swore she could feel him in her stomach. The vibrations he was letting off buzzed over her G-spot again and again. He touched two fingers to her clit. They were also vibrating.

That was what broke her. Melinda’s scream turned into a groan. She thought she stopped breathing for a moment. Coulson pulled out of her abruptly, causing the liquid that had been creating pressure inside of her to squirt out. Melinda whined because it kept happening. She couldn’t stop it. She couldn’t relax her muscles.

She groped for Coulson’s hands, squeezing hard when he laced his fingers with hers. Melinda’s body kept shaking like she had been electrocuted. She wanted to feel embarrassed for the mess she was making but she couldn’t find it in her to care. Coulson chuckled.

When Melinda was finally able to stop shaking and moaning, she opened her eyes and glared at him.

“I just made you cum for like five minutes. How can you be angry?”

Melinda deadpanned before she threw her head back and laughed. She felt sore. Who would have thought she would need to do stretches to fuck Phil Coulson from now on? She mewled when Coulson laid down next to her. He didn’t pull her in his arms, but his right palm caressed her belly. Melinda hummed and shifted on her right side, her back to his front. He kissed her shoulder as he held her.

“Now we are even,” Coulson said after a while.

Melinda blinked heavily. “Even?”

“You don’t remember the kiss in the library, and I don’t remember Tahiti.”

She snorted. “You’re such a dork.”

Melinda didn’t remember falling asleep, but she felt well rested when she woke up. She was still in Coulson’s arms. When she shifted on her back and looked up, he smiled down at her. His blue eyes twinkling even in the dim light of his room. It had to be late night or early morning because the world seemed quiet.

“So, you shower but don’t sleep?” Melinda’s voice was thick. She knew all that screaming would catch up to her.

He chuckled. “Why would I want to sleep when I can watch you sleep instead?”

Melinda rolled her eyes. “Dork.” She shifted back on her side and gasped when she felt him. She reached back and stroked the hard shaft. “I forgot about you, didn’t I?”

“I survived.”

Melinda hummed as she untangled herself from Coulson’s arms and knelt on the mattress. She pushed at his chest. “I want you to lie back.” She wiggled down between his open legs and ran her fist slowly up and down the shaft standing at attention. “I want you to come when you feel like it.”

Coulson ran his hand through her hair. “You don’t need to do this.”

“Shut up and enjoy it.”

He chuckled. “Yes, Ma’am.”

Melinda couldn’t help but hum as she stroked his cock, paying close attention to the ridge where the head met the shaft. She scratched his balls lightly before swallowing half, looking into Coulson’s eyes.

He grunted and held her gaze, but after a minute he allowed his sensations to take over. He squeezed his eyes shut and threw his head back. Melinda groped for his hand and placed it on her head when she found it. She smiled around his cock when Coulson got the hint and started pushing her further down. She breathed through her nose when he hit the back of her throat. Instead of pulling off, Melinda sucked in her cheeks even more and moved her head left and right.

“Oh shit!” Coulson sat up, shoving her head even further down. “Sorry!”  
Melinda’s lips were touching his balls. She sucked harder and felt something splash inside of her mouth. She really tried not to make a face, but it just did not taste the same. She pulled off Coulson’s cock and looked at him, trying not to swallow but also not offend him by spitting it out.

He laughed. “It doesn’t taste right, does it?”

Melinda shook her head.

“Come here.” He pulled her into his arms and started licking her lips.

Melinda realized what he wanted and opened her mouth, letting his fluids drip into his mouth. Some of it dripped onto the sheets. She laughed when Coulson shook his head.

“Promise me you will not ask for this again unless it’s all over your perfect tits?”

Melinda laughed and kissed his neck.

Coulson rubbed her back. “I’m glad you came over. I was about to ask Enoch to give me a sex-ed class for LMDs.”

Melinda laughed harder and lied back down, pulling Coulson on top of her.   
  



End file.
